It may seem odd that in order for a child to become an independent, separate being they need to first depend on an adult for caretaking. It is the generous invitation for relationship from a caring adult that frees kids from their hunger for connection. When a child can take for granted their relational needs will be met, they will be free to play, explore, and express themselves on the world around them. We need to work at creating the relational playgrounds for our children to flourish in, it is here they grow into the people that only our love can make them.
We have laws against making children work for money but few that protect children’s playtime from being eroded by work. Beyond the increased hours spent in structured activities, screen time, shopping, and schooling, there is a further insidious, invisible force that erodes children’s play today. It is about the preoccupation with playtime as needing to be productive and having tangible, measurable outcomes.
Play is meant to be a consequence, outcome free zone. It is where children express their feelings and thoughts, discover their interests and desires, and practice for real life without suffering the ramifications of their choices. Kid’s playtime doesn’t have to make sense to us or even adhere to societal standards for civilized behaviour because it is pretend – it doesn’t answer to reality. While at play my kids have been married and divorced many times, have become mermaids, put their dolls in jail, and even talked of decapitating one the other day. I even hear them yell at each other and when I move to intervene, I am told – “we’re just playing Mom – it’s okay.”
Playtime shouldn’t be about anything but what kids do in that moment and what it means to them. There are outcomes to play for sure, like healthy growth and development but this is nothing our children were ever meant to worry about. The real work is for adults – we need to generously provide for their relational needs so they are free to rest, play, and grow.
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